Monday, 30 May 2016

Whinge, moan, whinge

I've been quiet for a while. I haven't had any enthusiasm for writing and sharing my thoughts. Which is not like me. Everything kind of got on top of me and I lost my oomph!

I haven't even wanted to go on Facebook, couldn't be bothered.  So my apologies for all the birthdays I've missed and any exciting/important posts that I haven't paid any attention to!  I've been far too wrapped up in my own doom and gloom to give two hoots about anyone else!!!!!


What follows is a catch up, a bit more me, me, me, because that's what my blog is all about anyway!  So here we go.....

I'm so incredibly fed up of the whole cancer thing, it's now become tedious and boring and I'd really like it to all be over. Self indulgent moaning I'm afraid.  The good news is that my 12 month post diagnosis mammogram showed no evidence of anything nasty, which is excellent.  My 12 month post surgery check found that I've got lymphoedema (swelling and shit) in my boob.  Normally if you're going to get it, you get it in your arm, but no, it's in my boob!  Basically the lymph system stops working because of having lymph nodes removed, Chemo and surgery.  They have offered me treatment but it's held in the local hospice!! It's the only place they do it. Well I just can't bring myself to go there, so I'm going to sort it myself.  Amazon Prime to the rescue with brushes, tape, creams and YouTube for Yoga videos.  This is added to my whinge list because I really don't want anything else to have to sort out.  Also added to the whinge list is that I found an odd patch of skin, which the consultant said is eczema, and I'm sure it is, so I need to apply some steroid cream. (Not had eczema since I was 12!).  If it doesn't go away they will do a biopsy.  Here we go with that "be aware of symptoms, but don't think it always means cancer", seesaw to balance.  I've been assured that you get used to that and it becomes easier. Whinge.

I have 5 more Herceptin injections to go, out of a total of 18, so I'm nearly at the end. I've just invested in a selection of lavender/wheat heat packs in varying shapes and sizes to help with the bone and muscle pains. If I strap them all on at once I could do a fairly good American Football player impersonation!  I've given into this as my willpower for ignoring the pain has got up and left the building.  My energy levels have recinded back to about 30%, which brings me to the Spoon Theory,  which I found out about from my lovely sister- in-law Jackie Bex.  See the attached photo. I have an allotment of energy spoons per day so I have to choose which things to do carefully or I go into negative spoons. The Spoon Theory is brilliant and describes exactly what the energy thing is about.  I didn't understand it pre-diagnosis, but now I so do!

For a bit of hair is growing (albeit slowly thanks to Herceptin, whoops fell off the positive wagon there!).  I have even dyed it, just a semi permanent, as I didn't want to damage what little I've got!  The dye has sort of blended my grey and mouse, so it looks a bit better.  I may have to have it trimmed soon, to tidy up the wayward bits.

So that's me all updated. I am fed-up of fed-upi-ville at the moment, but I am eternally grateful for being able to be fed-up.  I've not lost sight of what could have been.